Random Musings

I realize that this isn’t really why I created this blog (I have a separate, personal one for most of these thoughts), but I’m writing this in hopes that writing anything will help clear away some of this writer’s block that I’ve been suffering through on and off for a couple years now.  I’m also writing this because my swift kick in the ass friend, Matt, reminded me that I’m not blogging as frequently as I’d hoped, so I figured I’d put something together.  That being said, this is mostly going to be stream of consciousness with minimal editing for grammar/spelling.

I’ve realized in my personal life that I have a both good and bad habit of falling off the face of the planet from time to time.  This is good because it’s something that I need occasionally to recharge and re-examine my life.  This is also bad because I somewhat intentionally avoid people so I can just be and think on my own.  I know this hurts people.  I know this keeps people at a distance.  I’m not sure why I do it, but I think it is part of a security blanket I throw up around myself when I feel lost a lot.  I’ve been hoping that doing this recently would help kick-start my writing again because a lot of the time I feel like I can’t write because I don’t have the time to clear my head, start a thought, develop it, and finish it.  That being said, lately, I’m still distracted when I try to do this but now it’s by myself.  I’ve been wrapped up in a lot of stresses (as Matt’s blog will tell you, the company he and I worked for got closed down and we were all laid off.  He has gone on to a bigger, better job, for which I’m  happy.  I have been unemployed for two months, which has slowly driven me more insane).  I’ve started to piece a plan together for my life, though, and I have a new part time job at a local board game store.  I’m headed back to college, which I currently live across the street from, for the spring semester (something I thought that would bring me more peace than it has, but I’m still pretty tentative about the whole thing and I’m not sure why).  So hopefully this will help.

Over the past several months, I’ve also had a lot of stresses with friends.  Not that my friends are stressful (though, certainly, at times, some of you can be.  No, not you, I’m talking about someone else).  I won’t go into all of them now, but it’s mostly been a reversion to the guy I was in high school where I get to play sounding board to both individuals currently involved in a relationship with each other.  I love being able to help people (in fact, for some of you who know me better than others, if I’m unable to help with some problems, I’ll be very hard on myself and criticize that I didn’t try to do more), but trying to shoulder all that weight also takes its toll on me.  That balance is something I’m still searching for, honestly.

All of the above being said, over the past two days, I’ve found a lot of solace in returning a bunch of some of my old favorite music to my “new” computer (I use quotes here because I’ve had the thing for about a year and a half and I just never put a lot of my old stand-by songs, mostly by The Bouncing Souls, AFI, Unsung Zeros, and Streetlight Manifesto, on).  Matt has written a lot about the joy of music (like here), and I agree with a lot of what he’s said.  His tastes and mine match up a lot, though he is a little older than I am and he is able to remember actually listening to some bands, Nirvana is the first that pops into mind, when they were still new.  I can’t help but wonder what his thoughts on the matter of “rediscovering” music you used to listen to but have fallen out of love with or simply has slipped the mind would be.  I typically rediscover at least one or two CDs every three or four months that I’d completely forgotten about, replaced with new sounds, new genres, or simply more recent albums.  There are some (like The Foo Fighters “The Colour and The Shape“) which may go down as some of my all-time favorite albums, while others (like Eve 6’s “Leech“) which just remind me of better different times in my life.

I suppose my real point is that while I hope this rattles lose whatever is jamming my creative gears, at least I’ve got something to keep me looking on the upside, even if it is other people’s music for now.

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4 Responses to “Random Musings”

  1. Murphy Says:

    I get it. I’m old. Great post.

  2. justamusician Says:

    I’m not sure I’d say you were old without including myself in that category. I’m just a little jealous that you’re able to remember some truly awesome bands who, when I became aware of them, had either broken up, lost members to overdoses/suicides/etc., or had gone past their prime.

  3. Ethan Fenichel Says:

    Don’t worry too much Dave – your friends, the real ones understand. Not me, I’m talking about the other ones. Anyhow, good post – sleep more, it makes dealing with stress easier.

    • justamusician Says:

      Thanks, Ethan. Yeah…sleep would be nice. I slept when I got home last night (around 3 AM) and woke up about an hour and a half later. It was awesome.

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